10 Boss/Client Personality Types

For the last 7 years, I’ve worked with some truly unique people. They’ve taught me about their company, their visions, their beliefs on how to achieve success in their fields, and who they are as individuals. That last point is where I’ve drawn a large percentage of my lessons about human nature and the online marketing industry coming together.

Without a further delay, I give to you some of these little nuggets of wisdom straight from experience.

10 Boss/Client Personality Types

1 - The Dream Client

Your odds of finding this elusive person is about as good as spotting a unicorn. They understand what you do, they value what you do, they trust your judgment, they pay large, they pay on time and they have a great working relationship with you. They don’t say or do things that make you uncomfortable, got a good head on their shoulders overall.

They do really cool stuff outside of work that impresses you. Got a great sense of humor and always seem willing to talk to you and truly listen to what you have to say. It’s everything you’ve wanted in a significant other but you’re not shacking up with them. Don’t think too much about that one, that will change everything into something completely different. Perv.

2 - The Big Talker

These people usually start off as personality type 1, however they quickly show their true colors. You let them know what you need them to do to help you get the marketing plan kick started and they meet each request with affirmation and enthusiasm. Then the days start to pass and nothing is being produced. You start to wonder what’s going on…

Upon follow up, you get more affirmation and you get put at ease after they explain the delay. You diligently get back to working on what you can until they’re ready to fulfill their end of the bargain. Days pass again…

You follow up, a little less chipper this time, and you hear more excuses and the same affirmations. Now you’re doubting that the deadline can be met. You don’t say that outright, but you hint at as gently as possible. Days pass again…

Wash, rinse, repeat.

3 - The Closet Freak

You had a feeling something was a little off about this person from the get go, but they seemed nice enough to you. The initial meetings were peppered with some humor that wasn’t totally proper for an office setting, but you’re not a stiff so you can enjoy the banter a little bit. We all like to make jokes that don’t always fit under “PC” from time to time.

This person could fit under personality type 1 or 2 in the beginning, it’s hard to say. But you soon realize that your client is a total freak the more they open their mouth. The jokes are becoming a little too revealing.. they’re a bigot, or a racist, or a sexist, or a homophobe, or just a complete freak who needs a lobotomy. And now you’re stuck with them in a room or on the phone listening to things that make you wish you had the courage to rip your ears off your head. All you can do is hope that they get fired, and you get a new contact to work with for this project.

4 - The Rock

They know they need your skills for the project so you get brought in to help them. You’re having a hard time figuring out what their “hot buttons” are when it comes to brainstorming during the planning phases. Come to think of it, you’re having a hard time figuring out their personality all together. You have no idea what makes them tick or what’s going on in their head. They just keep repeating what they expect in the end, how much time you have to do it, your role after the project goes live, and what your compensation will be.

You know that at some point you’re going to have to introduce some dynamic thinking to really get things cooking. Well, those ideas get shot down by The Rock. Every freakin time. It doesn’t fit into the model of control that is in place to achieve that end result. Again, you’re reminded for 359th time what the end results need to be, your deadline, your role, your compensation. The meeting is over. And so is the desire to exceed.

5 - The Luddite

If you don’t know what that means, read this first. OK, continue. You get brought in to a rather involved and complex project, and you meet with your contact who’s involved in making it happen company side. Again, they could fit into any of the above client types, but as always, you retain some hope about working with them. You need to stop doing that.

Initial meetings are full of talking and planning, brainstorming and identifying avenues to use. But you start noticing that they are sitting there with that “deer in the headlights” look every time you start talking. It’s easy to forget that not everyone really understands what you do for a living, so you dumb tone it down some to keep them on the same page. Hopefully that helps.

Project starts, and immediately the truth rears its ugly stone-age head. This person has ABSOLUTELY no idea how to do anything on their computer beyond surfing the web and maybe email. Buy hey, while you’re there, they would love it if you could show them how to do everything under the sun when it comes to using a computer. After all, you’re gonna get the nickname of “guru” from them since you know so damn much there smartypants!

You’re gonna get it when you come into the office. You’re gonna get it on the phone when you call. You’re gonna get it when you reluctantly gave them your number. Now you’re stuck in their spreadsheets.. fighting with their network printers… organizing their My Documents folder… explaining why they get spam email.. why they don’t have be scared of error messages… welcome to hell.

6 - Your New “Buddy“

This one isn’t so much a boss or client, but it’s definitely someone involved in your project on some level or another. Every office comes equipped with all kinds of personality types that create a unique environment. SEO’s are used to catering to the marketing department and the IT department to get everyone on board with the plan. But there’s always the one guy (usually in IT) who has the social skills of a shoe. Guess who you’re sitting next to today!

The meeting ends, but apparently the conversation doesn’t. As you walk through the office to the exit, you now have a fat goony shadow following you around that won’t stop talking to you. You just learned about their new network switch from Newegg.com. Now you just learned about their computer graveyard they keep in a separate room in their house. They love playing World Of Warcraft.. at work. They like your cell phone, but their PDA is far superior. Oh hooray, they’re a Microsoft fanboy. They know of a great coffee shop up the road… and ironically enough, wouldn’t ya know it.. it’s their breaktime! Hey, they wanna buy you a cup of coffee! Oh JOY!

You see your car in the parking lot and realize it’s time for some creative thinking. You use the lamest excuse you can possibly use to escape. Your grandmother isn’t really on fire, but it’s the best you could come up with. As you keep an eye on your rear-view mirror for anyone following you for the next 7 miles.. you remember that you left your notes from the meeting back at that office….

7 - The Fanatic

Politics. Sports. Religion. Pictures of kids. Stuffed animals. Plants. Reality TV. Chuck Norris. Everyone has their vices. For you, it seems that your guilty pleasure is finding totally dysfunctional people to work with. But The Fanatic has a plan for you. You’re gonna get introduced into their perverse world with hours of mindless dribble about their addiction. All the way back to when and where it all started… years and years ago….

This next client type is the one that reminds you as to why you must call your friends and arrange for a time to go out and do something every weekend for the next 6 months. You get stuck in the clients office and feel like you just stepped into some sort of void where reality checked out and creepy checked in. Why are there 4 dozen Precious Moments figurines on a shelf perfectly placed to stare at you? Oh look.. their screensaver is pictures of kittens wearing silly little outfits… that compliment the 400 creepy big eyed plushies surrounding your chair. Did that one just blink!? Wait.. that one was over there a minute ago……….

8 - The “Nice But Cheap” Client

This is a more commonly found type of client or boss. They kinda resemble client type 1, a little bit of of client type 2 but they have a whole new element that creates a different kind of situation. They mean well, they’ll treat you right during the project.. but you better make damn sure that nothing is going to cost a penny over estimate.

You try to explain that while many avenues of marketing online are in fact free, a PPC campaign isn’t. So to counter that, you’re now building banners and writing up desperate sounding text ads for free ad networks THEY found. They’re free, they found it.. that’s what you got to work with. On your way out, he asks if you could drop a small mountain of business cards (on recycled office memos now cut into business card size sheets) off anywhere and everywhere you go. He’s quick to let you know that there is plenty more where that came from. Next time you drive by their office you see his kids on the corner, holding up signs promoting his business in the hot sun wishing their dad wasn’t such an ass….

9 - The Expert

You’re sitting in a small conference room with your laptop and some paper, while you wait for the owner or president to show up to talk with you. When they do arrive, they’re accompanied with someone who could pass as a washed up news anchor who wears too much cologne/perfume. They’re in marketing. You knew it within 3 seconds.

The boss brought this person in to serve 2 purposes; first one is they will be your litmus test today as to what you really know, and second, they will be the little voice in the boss’ ear on how to really manage the project. You get 50 extra “panic points” if you figure out that these two people are somehow romantically involved.

By the end of the meeting, you have had to bring them both up to speed with the contemporary online marketing world after trying to constantly counter The Expert’s challenges to your suggested methods with stuff that worked back in 1999. Unknowingly, you have come across as brash and unapproachable because you have been on guard for the last 40 minutes and it showed in your derailed presentation and general demeanor. The boss and his little Expert thank you for your time, walk you to the door, and you never hear from them again. 4 months later, their website slips off the SERP’s entirely and no one is the wiser.

10 - The Human Stopwatch

Also known as “The Control Freak”, this is the client type that will destroy you without even blinking. You will be assigned your duties, you will be given the deadlines, you will be informed what tools you have at your disposal, but most importantly, you will be accountable for every unforeseeable event that could happen to their site for the next 20 years.

Unyielding and unrelenting, you are now working under the unfurled banner of a fascist regime bent on dominating your time to fully catapult their overbearing involvement in your work to help them keep a god like status within the company. Pretty depressing huh? It’s OK, that’s why you start leaving little “easter eggs” to spring up well after you’re gone. Little scripts “technical glitches” on the hosting server that randomly replace people’s names with colorful adjectives related to animals private parts. Or maybe you should use their company email to sign them up for websites that client type 3 showed to you in horror. At this point, you should have a pretty good lust for revenge for all this hell you’ve been through.. so I know you can be creative.

Conclusion

There’s probably about a hundred more personality types I could have covered, and some of them should at the very least get an honorable mention. But, for now I’ll put this post to rest because my fingers are tired and my brain hurts from realizing that I’ve dealt with people like this for so many years.

It’s not that I don’t like working with clients, in fact, I love it. And if it wasn’t for these sociopaths who have the ability to cut checks and make decisions, I wouldn’t know what kind of clients to avoid all together. If anything, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that hindsight is a real bitch sometimes but there’s always tomorrow to find that perfect client…

This entry was posted on Monday, January 14th, 2008 at 1:13 pm and is filed under SEO, whateva. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.